No! I don’t have a problem saying no! Of course I don’t have a problem saying no!
It was the year 1990 in a small town in TN and all the guys on my college campus were asking the girls to go to the “Winter Social”…ok don’t make fun of me as I went to a smaller private college and we had “Socials” not dances. As a freshmen I was crazy about quite a few of the boys at my college so when I got asked to go to the social with one of the guys I had been admiring from afar I of course said yes! But, the problem was that I said yes to the 2 other guys that had asked me to go to the social with them as well. Word got out about this and quickly spread around campus and then, to my absolute horror, someone decided to put a message on the digital marquis that everyone saw as they walked down the steps to go into the cafeteria that read, “ask Cyndi Neathery who she is going to the Winter Social with. I was mortified!
As you can tell I had a bit of a problem back then saying no and it wasn’t good! This problem of me not being able to say no is still a problem for me today. I have gotten better at being able to say no but it is still a struggle. I’m gonna blame this character trait on me being a relater when it comes to my communication style. There are four types of communication styles: The Relator, The Socializer, The Thinker and The Director. To find out which one you most identify with read this short article that describes each one https://redsealrecruiting.com/whats-communication-style-communicate-better-work/ Upon studying the characteristics of each I definitely fit in the relator category! In being a relator I find that saying no is one of the most difficult things I face because I want everyone to be happy and I want to please everyone.
Positives with me being a relater:
Being a relater has served me well. For example, Professionally it has brought success to my company as we continue to secure some important long term and repeat clients and it helps us to maintain those relationships because people simply like to do business with people they like and trust and can relate to! My employees and friends see me as someone they can trust and turn to for advice when it comes to anything in their life. Relaters like myself love people and do all they can to support everyone in their life.
Problems of me being a relater:
- I would do almost anything for anyone if you tap into my emotions just right
- I have a hard time firing people as I care too much and I have a hard time separating business from personal
- I avoid conflict with others at all costs and want everyone to get along!
- I see the good in everyone and am very naive and can be easily taken advantage of.
- I give people way too many chances after they let me down in my personal life and my professional life
- I tend do put my needs last as I am always doing things for others
- And, as you already know I have a hard time saying no and I overcommit myself at times
If you find that you are a relater just like me, here is some tips that can help you preserve a healthy balance with this communication style:
- It’s ok to say no!
- Don’t let your emotions take control of you.
- Embrace conflict and don’t run away from it.
- Make more time for yourself!
Being a relater has certainly had its ups and downs for me both personally and professionally, but as I go through this journey called life I continue to try to do my best to maintain a healthy balance when it comes to being a relater style communicator.
